Wayne Rooney: A Talented 10 Year Old?

Because normal life isn’t quite frustrating enough for me, a buddy and I spend 3-4 days a week coaching ten year olds in the fine art of how-not-to-fall-over-while-dribbling-a-ball (AKA – developmental youth soccer). Besides the occasional burst blood vessel and constant migraines, one of the more intriguing things to watch is the way that naturally talented players adapt to the game. All Wayne Rooney fans take note.

Several boys on the squad are all-around talented players, and can play any position on the field. This fact, while seemingly ideal, is both a blessing and a curse. Since these kids are 1) very good and 2) know that they are good, they do everything in their power to see as much of the ball as possible. Thus, it is not uncommon to see our left midfielder taking on the right side of defense, dribbling through the middle, making a dashing run back to the right channel, and then crossing the ball to the left side where, surprisingly, no midfielder can be found. One might argue that this owes as much to my coaching style (“you guys seems to have this under control, I’m going to go grab a drink”) as much as it does their desire to play. Nevertheless, it stands to reason that there are certain players who simply must be on or around the ball, or they don’t quite know what to do.

Now flash back to nearly every Wayne Rooney game in recent memory. How often have you cocked your head in confusion as Rooney challenged an attacker in United’s defensive third or dropped all the way back to pick the ball up of Rio or Vidic? It’s the same for England. Rooney is constantly leaving the forward position to attempt to retrieve the ball from Lampard and Gerrard, who often seem more content to string together 57 four-yard passes.

Lord Almighty Alex Ferguson is generally too good a manager to allow such a style of play to occur (not so certain about Don Fabio and Steve ‘I’m in Holland, Isn’t That Weird” McClaren), but what if he himself doesn’t quite know what to make of this thing called Rooney? This issue seems a point that sportswriters the world over have endless opinions on, but is it possible that we give Rooney too much credit? Have Fifa and YouTube spoiled our understanding of how good this young man is? Don’t get me wrong, Rooney is arguably the best player on a decent England side, and is United through and through. But couldn’t it be that all of this haranguing over whether or not he is a true striker/frustrated midfielder/talented winger is moot? That what he really is is a talented, impatient youth who wants to see the ball and knows that if he doesn’t drop back to tackle an opposing forward in his own penalty box then it could be an extra 26 second before he is able to see the ball again?

That is why I continue to have a lot of faith in Alex Ferguson. Perhaps he may not know exactly how to contain Wayne Rooney, but he does have a good idea how to unleash him in the proper direction. And that idea is one Dimitar Berbatov. With an attack featuring His Holiness of the Diamond Earring, Nani, Anderson, Hargreaves, Tevez, and now Berbatov, it stands to reason that much of United’s possession will occur in the opponents half, meaning that Rooney won’t be “forced” to run all over to get the ball. At least, that’s what I’m praying; because if we don’t start finding the back of the net soon, other questions of our Shrek lookalike will begin to be asked. And those are questions that my tiny brain will not be able to psychologically endure. So in the words of that tiny leprechaun commentator employed by ESPN, Rooney please, for me and every other United fan, go out and make that ol’ onion bag bulge against FC Oil Money on Sunday. At least then I’ll know how to properly manage my team. So, does anyone know where I can find a £30 million Bulgarian 10 year old? Cause that would be sweet.

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Category: Manchester United