The Community Shield: Match Analysis and Commentary

By: Taylor Rockwell | August 9th, 2009

I had previously decided that this was the first game of the season that I would actually be caring about. Sure, it matters about as much as all the other preseason games, but I’m of the opinion that any time 1) there’s a possibility to collect silverware (no matter how insignificant) and 2) you’re playing one of your Premiership rivals, it matters. So, I switched on the game and settled in hoping for the best. Instead, I got… well… something…

I’ll start off with my live commentary from this morning. I swear these are my actual thoughts from the game.

10:00 – And we’re live from Wembley, where the Asian announcers are discussing Sir Bobby Robson. I guess. There’s a big picture of him and they seem respectfully excited. Meanwhile, the players on the field and ready to go!

2’ – Didier Drogba has his first shot of the day, and Ben Foster is one for one. Let’s hope that continues.

4’ – Dimitar Berbatov earns a yellow card for encroachment. Not surprisingly, he doesn’t look all that upset.

5’ – Rio Ferdinand’s first significant touch is a poor back pass that rolls out for a corner. A bemused Foster looks on as the central defender sheepishly jogs into the box.

6’ – And the corner rattles around the box and goes off of the post. Wow. Evra clears it off of the line with his head. Who knew the Frenchman had those kinds of ups?

10’ – And Nani silences me with a brilliant take! The Portuguese winger settles a lovely ball from Fletcher and then takes on two Chelsea defenders before firing into the lower corner past an outstretched Cech. Lovely finish that! And the customary backflip to seal it.

12’ – A clearly excited Nani then demonstrates why he drives me crazy, by trying to go through two Chelsea defenders. It doesn’t work. Meanwhile, Evra gets hacked down on the edge of the box.

13’ – Ivanovic decides to wreck Evra again, and this time it will produce a card.

16’ – And Drogba is down sulking. Who had the over/under at 16 minutes?

17’ – United with another great chance. Berba plays a ball in for Rooney, who “settles” for Park but Cech is there with the save. Great save from the Chelsea goalkeeper. That would have been a goal if Berba could have had it in sooner, and I think (given his reaction) that Rooney may agree with me.

18’ – Berba and Park with a lovely 1-2 that opens a lane for Berba, but the Bulgarian’s outside of the foot chance won’t get the job done, and Park can’t connect on the follow-up. Both are working hard, but neither has looked particularly sharp so far.

21’ – Gotta love Fergie in a tie and short sleeves. That’s about as classy of a look as one could hope for, short of a mullet being produced. I mean really, did he just come from his part time job running McDonald’s? Is the economy that bad? Didn’t he get at least a little bit of walking around money from Real Madrid?

22’ – Is it just me, or do the home United kits always look excessively wet and excessively clingy? Either every player put on 40 pounds of muscle, or the “extra medium” look is back in style in Manchester.

25’ – First shot of Ancelotti and he’s in a suit? Is Abramovich aware of that? I didn’t realize that that was allowed. No track suit? Meanwhile, corner to United.

27’ – Freekick to Chelsea, and Frankie Lamps has it into the wall. Chelsea retain possession and a great cross from Drogba sees Malouda fire wide. United were lucky there.

28’ – Park has yet another attempt, but the shot goes wide. Again, the Korean isn’t looking like a player ready to be starting on the wing.

31’ – Another great chance for Chelsea comes to nothing. Cashley with a ball in and a standing Evra got crushed by Essien, but the Ghanaian’s header goes well over.

32’ – United had best sharpen up as another miscommunication sees Drogba nearly block a Foster clearance.

33’ – Foster again fails to clear and is again partially blocked by Drogba. Granted, Foster is right footed and these balls are coming to his left, but this is getting a bit ridiculous. If he pulls a Robinson, this could be a long few months.

36’ – Chelsea really knocking as Anelka shakes a United player that I think was O’Shea, fires on target, and earns Chelsea a corner, which Carvalho promptly handles.

41’ – Anelka again, but the shot goes wide (Foster may have had it covered)

42’ – United pushing forward again, and Evra earns another corner.

43’ – Corner played short and Fletcher has a crack from the top of the eighteen which Cech just barely gets a hand to. Nice work there from the Scotsman.

45’ – Rio again taken on by Chelsea, and again is found lacking. Maybe a little less time publishing magazines and a little more time training then?

45 – Halftime. United looked decent for stretches in that half, but neither side looked particularly sharp. Chelsea are having a lot of difficulty finishing in the attacking third, and United look like they did a bit of drinking last night.

46’ – And we’re back with the second half as Nani has yet another free kick.

50’ – Great buildup from United but Rooney’s take is blocked by Cole.

52’ – And Chelsea equalize. United fail to clear and Malouda’s ball in was contested by Drogba, who managed to (legally) knock Foster out of the way. Carvalho is there to head it home (with a dive, no less). Foster looks shaken and Chelsea look happy. That all resulted from a very poor clearance from Rio. Once again, a lack of focus cots United.

56’ – Chelsea again knocking as Foster manages a save (Anelka with the take and Rio deflects).

59’ – It’s become a recurring theme that United need to sharpen up. Park and Berba not looking great now; Owen and Valencia, anyone?

60’ – Wow. Nani just got wrecked from behind, and the referee played on. Terry with tackle befitting the MMA. That didn’t look particularly comfortable, but the winger is up…. Slowly… Terry and Carvalho are nice enough to give him a playful slap on his injured shoulder. Nani subbed out, and Valencia is on.

65’ – A German subs in for a Nigerian.

67’ – This official is killing me, as Evra gets whistled for a “foul” on Ballack. Drop ball, and Chelsea play it back to United.

68’ – United again working it around the box, which means Chelsea will probably score in the next three minutes.

69’ – Park is looking very, very sloppy… way too many flicks and chips… most importantly, he’s slowing up the free-flowing nature of the attack

71’ – And there it is. Chelsea on the counter and Drogba slides it to Lampard, who cracks it straight into Foster. The goalkeeper badly misplays the shot and allows the ball to bounce off of the post and roll into the net. Meanwhile, the entire goal is a bit suspect as Evra took a rather tidy knock from Ballack.

74’ – I remain furious about that past goal. This referee is a god damn joke. So, just so we’re clear, Ballack is bulletproof? Is it now legal to hit about the head? Good to know… especially if you’re Roy Keane…

75’ – Jesus. Subs anyone? Park off, Giggs on. Berba off, Owen on. Scholes on, Fletcher off. Fabio off, O’shea on. Giggs has blue shoes. For some reason, this surprises me.

76’ – Foster actually makes a save. Who knew that could still happen?

77’ – Evra clearly getting frustrated as that tackle (sliding and from behind) could have been a bit severe.

80’ – And Evra solidies that thought with a yellow card tackle on Ballack. He gets the ball, but a fair amount of German in the process. That was definitely a nice little makeup tackle. Well done to the Frenchman.

83’ – Evra gets a call (finally) but he’s still a… bit… unhappy.

84’ – Rooney’s header goes just over the bar, and United are looking less and less likely to pull out a draw.

86’ – Owen gets a yellow, ostensibly for descent. The Englishman hasn’t looked all that impressive in his 11 minutes on the pitch.

91’ – Ricky punches a breaking Owen in the head. Freekick for Giggs… but it’s taken by Cech.

93 – ROOOOONEY! Goal in the last minutes. A great counter from United sees Rooney played in (he may have been a step offside, but who cares). Lovely ball in is calmly collected by Rooney and slid past a diving Cech. That was a clinical finish.

Full time. And we’re heading to a shootout!!! Meanwhile, Evra and Ballack converse and Fergie “discusses” the situation with the official.

Chelsea players now huddling, ostensibly to discuss how much John Terry loves crying and booze.

Lampard to take – Foster dancing anxiously – Straight down the middle and Chelsea are ahead.

Giggs to take – Cech’s headgear blocking 40% of the goal – But it’s his feet that will get the save (terrible PK from Giggs – dead center and low)

Ballack now… calmly taken into the bottom left corner. 2-0.

Carrick with a great take to the upper corner. Cech guessed right, but it still flies in. 2-1.

Drogba up now… again, lower left… great PK… 3-1 now…

Evra up now… and it’s a miss… what a terrible take… instep, slow, and poorly placed… if only he’d hit that shot with more than his purse.

If Deco hits this one, it’s over… but he doesn’t want to take it… Kalou does… and he will… and that’s the Community Chield… an amazing penalty (top corner) and Chelsea get their first silverware of the year. Two poor, poor penalties… an unfortunate way to end.

Match Highlights

United 1 – Chelsea 0 (Nani)

United 1 – Chelsea 1 (Carvalho)

Chelsea 2 – United 1 (Lampard)

United 2 – Chelsea 2 (Rooney)

Full Match Highlights with Penalties

Post-Match, Post-Anger Thoughts

I should preface by saying that I remain aware that this wasn’t a make or break performance. It was one game that didn’t REALLY matter, and it would be foolish to make outlandish claims and ridiculous threats. That said, here come some outlandish claims and ridiculous threats.

1) So, Ben Foster may not be entirely ready to replace Van der Sar. I still think that Foster is the goalkeeper of the future, but today certainly didn’t quiet any of his critics. United consistently utilize their goalkeeper’s footskills, and Foster made it clear he could use some pointers from the reserve team coaches. I’ve got to admit, I had brief flashbacks to Barthez on multiple occasions… not a good sign…

2) Preseason tours do not equal match fitness. Multiple United players looked out of it today, and the lack of sharpness (dullness) was a constant theme. Rio, Park, Berba, Owen, and Valencia all struggled on multiple occasions. Again, this was only one match, but given that United have a history of starting slow, I must admit I’m slightly weary of… Birmingham and Burnley? Okay. Maybe not…

3) Chelsea are going to have problems scoring this season. I saw them in person (the Baltimore game against AC Milan) and I watched them today, and I remain convinced that Drogba and Anelka can’t be 100% effective when playing together. I may end up eating that statement, but I’m not quite ready to live in fear of that strike partnership just yet.

4) A FUCKING PENALTY IS A GOD DAMN FUCKING PENALTY!!! I am officially tired of the cheekiness. No more chips. No more studder steps. No more gentle placement. Pick a corner and have a crack. Yes, maybe sometimes that shit works, but when it doesn’t, you just end up looking like an ass (see: Slave in the Champions League Final).

5) Yup. You guessed it. This one’s about our transfer policy. As of today, we will start the season without Van der Sar, Obertan, Hargreaves, Vidic, and (now) Nani. Couple that with the fact that Brown, Neville, and Rafael may not be fully fit come August 16th and that United looked rather sluggish today, and one is forced to wonder if United are fully prepared to start the season. My guess is the squad will be fine, and no more signings are needed. But if we were linked with a decently big name tomorrow, I can’t say that I would be upset.

Regardless, I remain optimistic about this weekend. Unfortunately, I will be out of the country next week, so I may not be around to comment on the season opener. I will make it up to you all (I’m sure you’re devastated) by putting out a massive preview sometime this week. Until then, keep posting your comments and, if you’re totally bored, give my first radio show a listen. Be kind. Be gentle. In effect, be the opposite of Ballack’s elbows. Thank you. Thank you. I’ll be here all week.