Rafa Benitez Contradicts Self in .4 Seconds; No One Is All That Surprised

During a pre-Stoke press conference, Liverpool Manager Rafa Benitez kinda, sorta lost his mind and went on a rant regarding Manchester United and, more specifically, Sir Alex Ferguson. The incensed Spaniard filed a laundry list of complaints against the Scot, alleging that Ferguson was the only manager in England that is never punished for his on-field actions. Benitez literally sat down, unfolded a sheet of paper, and read the following:

“I was surprised by what has been said, but maybe they (Manchester United) are nervous because we are at the top of the table. But I want to talk about facts. I want to be clear, I do not want to play mind games too early, although they seem to want to start.

But I have seen some facts. On November 1, they played Hull and Mr Ferguson had a two-match touchline ban and a £10,000 fine after confronting Mike Dean, the referee, for improper conduct. We started the Respect campaign, and that was when (Javier) Mascherano was sent off (last season) at Old Trafford.

The referee (Steve Bennett) was the referee when they played against Wigan – he could not see the handball against Wigan by Rio Ferdinand, he did not give a penalty. They won the game and they won the title in this game. I think it will be the same referee who will be in charge of their game in hand this season (against Wigan).

During the Respect campaign – and this is a fact – Mr Ferguson was charged by the FA for improper conduct after comments made about Martin Atkinson and Keith Hackett. He was not punished. He is the only manager in the league that cannot be punished for these things.”

Rafa Benitez: Coaching? Or Just Furious That Someone Ate His Last Double-Fried Jelly Donut?

While I don’t always support EVERYTHING Ferguson does or says, and I recognize that I am not exactly an impartial party, one is forced to admit that some of Benitez’ arguments are… what’s the word… asinine? Yes. I believe that’s the one. I mean, seriously Rafa, you state, “On November 1, they played Hull and Mr Ferguson had a two-match touchline ban and a £10,000 fine after confronting Mike Dean.” You then pause, and add, “He is the only manager in the league that cannot be punished for these things.” WHAT!? SERIOUSLY!? You couldn’t even make it through three paragraphs before the wheels came off?

Good to see that Benitez spent the off-season learning to speak at the Kevin Keegan School of Insanely Emotional, Semi-Intelligible, Highly-Illogical Screaming. Indeed, not satisfied with rambling insnaity, Benitez chose to end his remarks by hypothesizing on a new conspiracy theory. “There is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.” Yup. You heard right. Rafa just accused Fergie of creating the ENTIRE fixture list, then sending it out to all the other teams, who accept it and never question a thing… but not Rafa… he’s always there to confuse the situation, becomes flustered, and then make highly over-the-top declarations. Gotta love them Scousers, eh?

However, more than anything else, the thing that really forced me to write this article is the fact that Rafa took a page out of a puppet’s book (fast forward to 4:56) and called Fergie “Mr. Ferguson.” That’s Sir Ferguson to you, you fat Spanish bastard!

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Category: Manchester United