Gene Hackman Can Now Be In Movies Again (Translation: Chelsea Sack Scolari)

By: Taylor Rockwell | February 9th, 2009

I wasn’t aware of this bit of news until The Fiver broke it to me, and I then spent the next 10 minutes staring at the Soccernet main screen in slack jawed disbelief. Chelsea announced earlier today that manager Luis Felipe Scolari has been shown the door at Stamford Bridge, bringing the Brazilian’s tenure to just over half of one season (a feat only former Pompey manager Tony Adams could look up to). A club statement made it clear that Big Phil was more than a manager, he was a friend, a confidant, and, ultimately, a geriatric who always wore tennis shoes and a track suit.

“The Chelsea board would like to place on record our gratitude for his time as manager. Felipe has brought many positives to the club since he joined and we all feel a sense of sadness that our relationship has ended so soon. Unfortunately the results and performances of the team appeared to be deteriorating at a key time in the season. In order to maintain a challenge for the trophies we are still competing for we felt the only option was to make the change now. The search for a new manager has already started and we hope to have someone in place as soon as possible.”

I laughed out loud at that statement the first time I read it. Yes. You all appreciated his time and effort SO much, that you fired him before he could even complete a full season. To put this in perspective (although I am stretching it a bit), Avram Can’t got more time than Scolari (a world cup winning coach).

“Shhh… Shhh, my pet… I shall return to be with you one day… is there any way Portugal can fire Carlos Quieroz? No? Well then, I am off to film ‘Enemy of the State 2′”

So what does this mean for the title race? My immediate reaction was that it looks like it will, for certain, be United v Liverpool. However, depending on who they bring in, it could definitely end up being a three horse race. Just remember that everyone wrote them off last season, and they ended up putting in strong (READ: second place) performances in the Premiership and the Champions League… I forget… who was it they lost to in both of those competitions? Somebody wearing red, I think… ah well… it doesn’t matter… CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE! CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE! CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE!

But I digress… the point is, three managers in two season for Chelski… I just hope they have enough money to still compete… wait… what… ok… I’ve just been informed that Roman just subjugated some more people in Siberia, so expect him to make insanely high bids for Mancini/Riijkard/Hiddink…

Follow Chelsea Offside as they attempt to spin this in a positive light